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My experience of God, the Bible, and the world seems to be in motion, like a mudslide down a steep hill. What’s at the bottom I wonder?

Of God, I am struggling to connect. My confidence that He is near at hand and communicative has taken a hit as I’ve pondered the immensity of space and the billions of years of time vs the miniscule blips of dust that we humans are. You might say that my awe at His majesty is, for the time being, making approach more challenging. To counteract this (not my idea - it seems to be God’s) I’ve been reading a book about self-discovery, “The Gift of Being Yourself” by David G. Benner. But it’s hard to pick up a happy book when I’m most nihilistic. “The Arm of the Starfish” by Madeleine L’Engle has also helped me frame my experience.

Of the Bible, I am finding myself thinking of its stories and reading larger chunks than I have in some time. Inspired in part by The Bible Project, the beauty and intricacy of books-truly Jewish meditation literature-has stoked a renewed desire to immerse myself in it. A stylized version of the Psalms has helped, as has The Infographic Bible. I read Song of Songs two days ago, 1 Peter last week, and most of Abram’s story last night. Although my time is and will continue to be limited, the hunger to immerse myself in this limitless work; to learn the original languages, to memorize large portions, and to discuss it with others regularly still resides under layers of parental responsibilities.

Of the world, a mixture of despair and universality. On the one hand, the piling up of human evil in the past year is a monument of horrors that weighs on me many hours of most days. On the other, I am spell-bound by Jesus' universal love for both oppressor and oppressed, by those inside his family and outside, for the Roman centurion, the Samaritan, and the neighbor. Before such corruption of humanity, differences don’t matter, and I think this season may be shaping me towards Jesus' universal love even as it threatens to plummet me into hopelessness.