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The full list of causes is uncertain, but I am exhausted to the near edge of burnout. It’s evident in a limited recovery from Sabbath rest, in a weakened motivation to do more than watch television after the kids are asleep, in an absence of creativity or engagement in fun activities, and in a limited capacity to listen and engage with Jesus. In this state even the hope of a vacation is shaded in doubt. I’m so worn down I can scarcely remember what it was like to have energy or believe that energy will be restored. My emotional bandwidth is narrow but not trapped in sadness, anger, or despair, so I doubt that I am depressed. Only spent.