We signed Graham for violin practice this year. He’s expected to practice for at least six minutes five nights a week. Most of those nights we endure an half-hour or more of anger and tears before we can even consider practicing. It breaks Amie’s heart, but she wisely gives Graham and I space to suffer through the feelings.
For example, tonight Graham went straight to anger. He said that he hated the violin, that he wished he’d never been signed up, and later that he hated me too. He didn’t want to hear my encouragement or suggestions about where to begin his practice. Then he wailed for twenty minutes so pitifully that Amie couldn’t resist and came down to see if she could help. Graham ran away to his room to be alone, shouting all the way that he was never going to practice again.
Amie and I bolstered our resolve by talking through Graham’s perspectives and how we’re helping him to persevere. We noted that we’re not forcing him to play the violin and that this is about persevering through difficult emotions, like despair that he’s not perfect as he wants to be and fear about performing in front of his peers.
Graham came back to practice after the four of us played soccer and Amie went to work. He tackled the song with zero hard feelings and beamed with pride that he was getting it, even spending extra time to play it through a few more times and to talk about learning the Star Wars theme song I’d written down for him.
Tomorrow we’ll go through the same thing again. And again and again and again, because this is what it means to persevere in a hard thing. And if Graham is learning to persevere, truthfully I’m learning just as much about perseverance along the way. There’s so much I can learn from Graham in expressing all the pent up fears and disappointments, then getting down to the work anyways.
I’ve been exploring what it will take to start a PhD since last Fall. Since reading Umberto Ecco’s How to Write a Thesis over five years ago, I’ve kept in the back of my mind a curiosity. In what subject would I want to add a brick to the tower of human understanding? It needs to be a subject I can research exhaustively for six plus years without giving up or losing interest.
The subject which has engulfed more of my mental and emotional energy than any other these past thirteen years has been the shape and movement of the Church in the United States. I’ve written some of my thoughts in a kingdom manifesto, and have spent hundreds of hours facilitating DBS studies in a variety of contexts. I would happily invest hundreds more in research, debate and practice. I would prefer to do so in the framework of a PhD program, if I can get my foot in the door.
Amie turned me on to the Warriors album. I’ve never watched the movie; just learning the story through Lin-Manuel Miranda, Eisa Davis, Ms. Lauryn Hill and others’ eyes has been richly rewarding.
There are so many memorable moments, but one I’ve been appreciating is the reaction by the Riffs after their leader, Cyrus, is shot in the song Still Breathin’.
“What do you do when they kill everything you believe in, but you’re still breathin’?”
The pain and confusion is visceral, just as it must have been with the early disciples after their leader, Jesus, was put to death by their religious leaders.
Our next Wii game, LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga, came in yesterday. The boys were so excited. They had no idea you could do more than play Wii Sports.
I’ve been so proud of Graham for persisting in his violin practice. Whether he continues after this year or not, he’s exercising the right internal locus muscles. Practicing even when it’s boring, or when mastery feels unattainable, or when you’re not ready to perform before your peers and the test is tomorrow: all of these are bring up strong emotions that he’s experiencing, processing, and moving through. Well done buddy!
The boys and I had President’s Day off together. We decided to take a road trip to Devil’s Tower National Monument. The trip was smooth, and it was the most perfect weather, and I’m grateful we were able to do something beyond the ordinary together.
