We find our true selves via death

Merton speaks of a true self that only God knows, a self formed by the person and God in union together. But (every one of us is shadowed by a false self), masks we wear that can’t be real for God does not recognize them. That’s why Merton claims that if i am true to the thought of him i shall find him everywhere in myself.

However, the presence of God is fearful to us because, as a consuming fire, he burns up false selves and leaves only what’s true. We don’t know who will be left when He’s through, and the loss of the identities we cling to feels like death. Madeleine L’Engle speaks about this in the spiritual discipline of prayer, saying that we are afraid of this kind of prayer because it feels like the death of ourselves.

Yet this is the Way. It was the way for Abraham, who faced the loss of his beloved son. It was the way for David, who faced years of bitter hardship fleeing from Saul’s murderous hand. And it was the way for Jesus.