Know when to mimick the host culture

Culturally intelligent leaders modify their actions to better fit the culture of those they interact with, without mimicking the other culture entirely.

Leaders who grow in Cultural Intelligence (CQ) constantly develop their cultural skills. They read insightful books about other cultures. They observe how people around them act, and reflect on other’s responses. Before an expected cultural encounter, they prepare themselves to be culturally sensitive and watchful. When a high CQ leader does interact, what does it look like? Let’s consider some practical examples.

Yosef is a 40-year-old Syrian barber. He purchases supplies from Elizabeth, an Englishwoman who owns a local wholesale store. Recently, Yosef has noticed that Elizabeth avoids speaking with him when he comes to the store for supplies. Yosef thinks he might need to find another supplier; even though the next one is five miles away.

When you ask Elizabeth, she says that Yosef is aggressive and time-consuming. She dreads when he comes in for supplies because he talks with her about anything but work for what feels like ages, and he stands so close that she’s begun to position furniture between them for breathing room. He’s even invites her to private family events!

When you ask Yosef, he says Elizabeth is cold and disrespectful. She shows little interest in the lives of his wife or children and stands so far away that it’s clear to him that she doesn’t want his business.

What actions could Yosef take to adapt his interactions with Elizabeth?

First, Yosef can select new ways to build repertoire. Back in Syria his business depended on intimate relationships and social responsibilities. He participated in his supplier’s weddings and funerals. One of his clients even married his daughter. But Elizabeth comes from a culture where repertoire is built with punctuality and politely distant behavior. Lifestyle is a private matter, and everyone speaks to each other at a measured distance. To adjust, Yosef might prepare a short introduction about his family before he meets Elizabeth to keep their interaction shorter. He may remind himself that she feels comfortable at a greater physical distance and position himself accordingly.

Second, Yosef can explain his culture to Elizabeth. As he notices how she responds, he may explain why he does what he does. He might share with her how business in Syria functioned, or show the contrast between their cultures. If he had a copy of Leading with Cultural Intelligence he might loan it to Elizabeth and ask her to read page 161 on conversation topics and page 169 on physical distance ((Livermore)).

What happens if neither Yosef nor Elizabeth take action?

Even if Yosef continues to purchase his supplies from Elizabeth, their relationship is likely to sour. She may take stronger indirect action to influence Yosef to leave, such as reducing her stock of Yosef’s favorite hair gel. To Yosef, this will only confirm his suspicions that Elizabeth disrespects him and this may lead to angry confrontation. Police intervention may even be in their future if both Yosef and Elizabeth ignore one another’s cultural perspective.

Although change is necessary, neither Yosef or Elizabeth should abandon their own culture to adapt to the other. If Elizabeth begins to mimic Yosef, she may offend him in entirely new ways because Yosef’s culture has many gender-specific norms. Likewise, if Yosef attempts to act exactly like an Englishman, Elizabeth may become suspicious of Yosef’s intentions. She may think he’s pandering, or that he’s hiding something from her. If either decide to shift their actions to accommodate the other’s culture, they will need wisdom to know how far to go.

I work on a team of many cultures. My current manager is a white, middle-aged Lithuanian man. My immediate team mates are, in order of age: a Canadian man in his fifties who works remotely from Arizona, an Indian woman in her late twenties who grew up in America, and a second Indian woman in her early thirties who moved to America from Bangalore three years ago. Each day I am faced with the question, “how are my actions interpreted by my colleagues?” This insight encourages me to embrace my unique cultural blend and to more regularly explain why I take the actions I do. I am also intrigued to ask each colleague about their own cultural expectations - especially the topics of requests and negotiation.

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